New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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