Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
