no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
