I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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