I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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