Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Who died my cat blue again?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
