so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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