After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
