I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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