I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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