just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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