hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
