You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize