We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
