We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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