It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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