I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
did i walk over a car last night?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
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