I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
