I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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