and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
