thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize