yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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