if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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