I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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