just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
