He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
