I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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