literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
