I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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