I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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