JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
