This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
