Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
