Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Randomize