I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
