A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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