i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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