is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
