i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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