he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
