I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
