I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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