Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
