Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
