I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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