i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize