Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
