He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
