It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
