after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
please don't ironically join a cult
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