Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
