He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize