I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
