If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
