Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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