Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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