guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
