And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
