I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
