remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
