Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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