I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
