if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The power of my boobs compel you
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
