i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
