Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
