How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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