she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
They are going to name an STD after you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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