Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
