I don't usually arrange sex via text message
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
