Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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