This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
