The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
