You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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