After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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