I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
