So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
our cab driver is having phone sex.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
