I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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