How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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